Anonymous. They do not forgive. They do not forget. Visa. Mastercard. PayPal. Amazon.com. Godhatesfags.com. Department of Justice. CBS. Motion Picture Association of America. Recording Industry Association of America. And on and on anon.

Watch out evil muthas. Geeks gonna flex.

But now here we are—WIRED.

When I started reading that magazine, no one would have called me a “geek.” Sure, I worked for a start-up, but it was more because of my character than one iota of technical skill. I didn’t get the phrase WIRED on a visceral level. I was still so innocent.

Now I suck up the electrical field of my laptop and smartphone till my frontal lobe hurts, my eyes practically pop out of my skull and my hands feel like they’re actually coursing with electricity themselves. And then I press repeat. I’m gonna kick tomorrow, I swear.

What happened?

Fucking Facebook happened. It was all fun and games till then, wunnit? Remember MySpace? Music, comments, a little NSA hook-up, perhaps? And then you logged off…maybe didn’t even open up MySpace for another week, maybe two.

Those days are over. I don’t have to tell you, you’re probably signed in to Facebot right now. And if you’re not, reading this is making you wonder if you should be.

And then, that gyaddam iPhone. Look at me, I’m capitalizing their P. I wouldn’t dream about not capitalizing their stupid P. I’d lose my internet license. Iphone. Just look at it. Ugh, so banal…but iDigress. Ha. iPhone. iPod. iPad. For those who have all three, we’ll refer to you from here on out as iPeople. iPeeps for the homies, you know who you are. And the apps?

What’s the weather? Who needs a window? I got an app for that. Newspaper? Nah, I got BBC, HuffPo and Democracy Now with built-in share functions on dial. When was my last period anyway? A calendar? Don’t be ridiculous! PeriodTracker app. (Ladies—go for the paid version on this one—it’s totally worth it.) Camera, jukebox, rolodex, TV. Jesus! I know, there’s an app for that. I think there’s a phone in there somewhere too…but who needs that when you have the Skype app?

So I was on a date tonight. Where did I meet him? You guessed it. So he’s this really nice developer guy. Smart. (Duh.) We were going to meet for dinner without ever seeing each other or talking on the phone. I messaged him to see if we could talk on the phone for a few minutes before meeting. He said he thought talking on the phone would be awkward. OK, am I stupid? Emails are the new woo?

So anyway, I go and we talk about work for a bit and at one point I hear myself saying the words, “I feel like a slave to the machines.” He nods in agreement and starts talking about his RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) and I tell him about my friend who’s going on full disability for RSI. Full disability—FOR TYPING TOO MUCH.

WTF, iPeeps? What is this world coming to? What is my life coming to?

Convenience. Right? Typewriters sound like were they a huge hassle, don’t they? Expensive, messy ink, keys jamming up, all that wasted paper. Thank gawd we don’t have to deal with any crap like that for our computers.

Convenience. Right.

That’s bullshit. Let’s face it. We’ve got a problem. I’ve got a problem. iProblem! I’m totally WIRED. Agh!

So what now? How to move on to the next chapter of my life, away from the internet? Away from all these little machines? How on Earth do I unplug?

I could become a gardener. Though probably not a lot of growth in that field. No restaurants either…how would I feed myself?

Perhaps I could do what I’m doing right this very moment. You know, writing. I could do that without a computer. I met an incredible man in Camden Town once who’d written more than 20 books, 12 plays and tons of film and TV scripts—all on a typewriter. He typed all of them using the hunt and peck method.

I’m not a great typist, but if Allen Bennett can hunt and peck his way through a prolific career, I can certainly give the typewriter a shot. It’s retro. It’s hipster magic…and hipster is the new off-black. I’m doing it. I’m unplugging from this machine right now and I’m buying a typewriter as soon as (thrift) stores open tomorrow.

Jk. What was I thinking? Just like any junkie, I love my tainted and tawdry habit. I’m in love with it. I’m WIRED. Feels good to be bad.

Now it’s your turn. What are you thinking about your own relationship to machines, email, social networks? Share in the comments section below and don’t be shy. It’s just us.

5 Starflocking Superbloggers

Netroots ain’t Sundance, so you’re not gonna see or participate in straight star[beeeep]ing, but you might have a few drinks with the superstar blogger of your dreams. I can’t name names due to personal privacy, but I did converse with my journalist equivalent of Johnny Depp. No, make that my Gael Garcia Bernal. And it was good. Real good.

What I really mean is, your ultimate connections in progressive politics, media and tech are fairly accessible.

starflock /stärfläk/ v. to congregate or mass in a large group around a celestial entity

4 Responsibullish Drinking

Say NO to eating cute little peeglets...but say YES to bourbon!

If you’re on the wagon and in danger of falling off, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go to Netroots Nation 2012. You will be faced with in-house happy hour events to tempt/enable/indulge. Knob Creek to go with your bacon-topped chocolate cupcake, madam? Yes, that really happened. That said, if you do wanna knock a few back at beer o’clock, NN12 has got you covered.

3 Discovering New Tools

No, not douchey people that think they know everything (though you might get a few of those). Online tools—new ones (PopVox / Tweriod / Boxcar) and best practices for the tried and true ones (Netvibes / act.ly / Prezi). Geniuses from Cheryl Contee to Deanna Zandt to Alan Rosenblatt to Beth Becker present and do Q & A’s for the likes of you and me. Gets me excited just thinking about it. (Not that way people, c’mon.)

2 Finding Your People

Halfway into Day 1, I had this permagrin going because-well, for a nonprofit Online Community Organizer like me-Netroots Nation is homebase. People are speaking my language-email conversion rates, Twitter petitions, EPA standards, race politics in America, and climate activism. Yup, Netroots is a lil’ slice o’ heaven for progressive geeks like moi and, if your eyes haven’t glazed over yet from reading this, you too. These are the people to align with when you have major shit to get done—like solving the climate crisis for instance.

1 Plugging Into the Movement

What Movement? If you asked yourself that question after reading the above header, march right up to the registration table at Netroots Nation 2012 and ask somebody (just kidding, DON’T do that.) But do keep your eyes and ears open. Your movement may just materialize right before your very eyes—political, social, environmental. Grassroots + Internet = Netroots. If you’re reading this, you’re already probably part of it or well on your way. (Or you’re one of my Internet stalkers. You know who you are.)

Now that you’ve watched that video (you’ve got to watch it)—come meet your people, pick up new tools, flock some superbloggers, plug into your movement and raise. your. glass. To Netroots!

NOTE: All posts and comments on this site are the sole opinion of the author. Shiso Social does not represent Netroots Nation in any matter whatsoever. This gushfest is brought to you by pure unadulterated enthusiasm.

“It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you,

Without a strong rhyme to step to.”

—I Know You Got Soul, Eric B. & Rakim

Hello World!
It has been a long time indeed. As the one-woman show of Shiso Social for three years, I eventually began fantasizing about working with a team, doing only what I’m good at, getting a regular paycheck and maybe some medical/dental action. So I social media’d my way into one of my favorite organizations of all time, Rainforest Action Network.

After not hearing an immediate response to my resume and cover letter, I campaigned for the job by posting a video I made on iMovie to YouTube and Facebook. It was called “The Top 5 Reasons RAN Should Hire Me.” I got all my friends and family to comment on why I’d be fun to work with. It worked.

I moved up to San Francisco and am now RAN’s Online Community Organizer—handling email blasts, social media messaging & strategy, and staff training for everything from blogging to slamming corporate targets on social networks. I’ve also got the fascinating challenge of answering the social media question of the year—”So now that we’ve got em here, what are we gonna do with em?”

RAN is a good time, but I must admit—it doesn’t leave me much time or energy for working on my little web home at shisosocial.com. So, I’m back.

Yay.

Social Media Landscape: Image via FredCavazza.net

“There are just so many out there. As a small green business owner, which ones should I be on?” I heard this question asked by a 50-something female entrepreneur at Opportunity Green’s social media panel. The “social media expert” (my least favorite phrase in the industry) told her “Well, all of them.” Hmmmm…I don’t think so buddy.

Small green business owners and enviro NGOs have precious little time to f@$k around with every new social media platform on the world(super)wide web. So, where to begin?

In order of importance…

1 Facebook

Panda Terrorists on Facebook

If you want to promote your small green business or organization through social media, Facebook is the number one place to be (unless you’re in Russia, then you want to use Vkontakte).

Put privacy settings on all those personal photos, revamp your Info and Notes to only include things you feel comfortable with the world seeing, then expand your network to include all the people who support (or would likely support) what you are promoting.

Once you’ve done those three things, start your Facebook Fan Page (not a Group or Profile!) Be aware that Fan Pages, like RAN or Mashable, now have to be verified with proof that you are actually affiliated with the brand. The new Community Pages are for niche topics rather thans brands or public figures, like We Love Indonesia’s Rainforests, Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly, Terrorists have two eyes, Pandas have two eyes. Coincidence? I think not., etc. Many of these sorts of topics that began as Fan Pages are being converted without permission of the Page administrator by Facebook. Bummer for you, panda haters.

Once you have your Page up, post 3 times a day (no more or people will start unliking the page. FYI: Photos tend to have more Likes and Comments than anything else, followed by video, articles and notes.

2 Twitter

Use Twitter On Your Smart Phone

Stop asking the question “should I get on Twitter” and just do it. Like many new things in life, you won’t get it at first, but if you just dive in and stick with it, you’ll get the hang of it…and may even become addicted.

Make your user name as short as possible while still clearly conveying your brand. For instance, Guayaki Yerba Maté could be @Guayaki or (if that username was already taken) @GuayakiMate, but should not be @GYM or @GMate. Make sense?

If you have a smart phone, make sure to get a Twitter app of some sort. I recommend Hootsuite, Tweetdeck and Tweetie, in that order.

Make Lists of people you want to follow, so you can filter the noise of following thousands, like Green Web Geeks and Best Green Businesses.

3 Flickr

Aysia Wright of Greenloop: Photo by Pete Springer

Do you take juicy photos of your events, products, and staff? If not, get started asap and post them to your Flickr account! You MUST tag and title them well. No one needs a dump of every lame flurescent-lit photo ever taken posted on Flickr. Only post the good ones and tag them with things people will be looking for on the web. This photo could have “eco fashion,” “sustainable,” “Greenloop,” “boutique,” “dress,” “Anna Cohen,” “Vy & Elle,” and even the less obvious tags like “red hair,” “jeans,” and “Portland.”

4 YouTube

Ok, this is beyond some folks, but only if they let it be. These days a Flip Cam or a newer iPhone can be your sweet and simple entry into the YouTube community. Get innovative, like the folks who make blenders at Blendtec. What on earth can a blender company do to get attention on YouTube? What could be less sexy? Well, they sure figured it out…by blending things people are interested in, like the iPhone. Intrigued? Of course you are! Use Blendtec’s creative approach as your inspiration for your solar company or Slow Food non-profit.

5 LinkedIn

Not so much for growing brand awareness to a mass audience, LinkedIn remains relevant for business and non-profits alike. For connecting with similar organizations, soliciting feedback from industry experts, screening potential employees and finding relevant vendors, LinkedIn is an incredible tool. Use it.

Bonus: Just in Case You Were Wondering About MySpace…

MehSpace.com

The lights are on but no one’s home over at MySpace these days. One page I manage has 10,545 friends and when you look at the Online Friends, what do you think the number is? You guessed it- 0. It makes me think there must be something wrong with the Online Friends function on the backend, which is actually just as bad as there being 0 out of 10,545 users online right now. So I can now say (now that one of my very best friends no longer works there), MySpace has become MehSpace.

Was this post useful? Let me know in the Comments section!

Look out for Which Social Networks Should I Be On? Part 2: Beyond The Basics coming soon(ish).